


Gentlemen's Lip Balm

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-30
Updated: 2006-04-30
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:56:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: What's this? James is wearing lipstick?! "It's Gentlemen's Lip Balm! And it makes my lips ‘Soft and kissable..."





	Gentlemen's Lip Balm

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**Gentlemen’s Lip Balm**

_A/N Well this is my second fic and it’s an all dialogue, one-shot. Enjoy!_

“James…”

“Yes?”

“What’s that?”

“ _Ouch!_ And it’s…nothing…”

“Nothing? It looks like _lipstick_ to me.”

“Well, it isn’t lipstick. I mean, boys don’t wear lipstick. Lipstick is for girls. Girls like Lily.”

“Ahh yes, _Lily_ …”

“What do you mean, ‘Ahh yes, _Lily’_? Do you have a problem with her?”

“No.”

“You **do** , don’t you!”

“I said no! How did you get ‘Yes’ from ‘No’?!”

“I could tell by your tone.”

“My tone? James, you are such a woman…”

“I am not!”

“Are so!”

“Am not!”

“Are so!”

“Am not!”

“Am not!”

“Did you really think I’d fall for that? That never works in real life you know.”

“Well excuse me Mr. or should I say Mrs. Im-wearing-lipstick-even-though-Im-supposedly-a-boy!”

“Oi! What do you mean supposedly?”

“It means that I’m currently debating on your gender.”

“….Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“….”

“So, what’s with the lipstick?”

“If I tell you, you have to _swear_ not to tell anyone. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…Get on with it!”

“I mean, I’m serious about this Sirius. And don’t you dare make the serious Sirius pun. It isn’t funny. _It never has been and it never will be._ Got it?”

“You spoil everything Prongs. And some people find that pun hilarious.”

“Oh stop pouting! You look like a constipated fish. Not attractive by the way.”

“Ooh, so you think I’m _usually_ attractive then? Heh heh!”

“Don’t. Or I wont tell you about the unnatural shade of red that my lips are.”

“Oh, Prongs. _How ever could you be so very evil?_ But seriously –haha- why do your lips resemble my Gryffindor pillow?”

“Well, Lily said-”

“ _Lily said?_ I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“Well seeing as you refuse to even try to get along with her, then no- _probably not_.”

“Have you heard the way she speaks to me? She’s like an evil sorceress who’s put a love spell on you. And she tries to act like she’s my friend. Which she is not.”

“You’re being petty. Anyway moving on from your apparent immaturity, Lily made me wear lip balm-”

“I knew it! **AHAHAHA** Prongs you **transvestite**! Wearing lippie you little Nancy-boy! **AHAHA** -”

“Shush. It isn’t girly lipstick. It’s _Magic Marge’s Lip Balm for Gentlemen._ So it’s Gentlemen’s lip balm! And it makes my lips ‘Soft and kissable’…”

“But _James_ man, it’s still lipstick. That girls wear.”

“But it makes my lips feel nice…”

“Don’t. Just don’t use it.”

“Lily likes it when I do. And it makes my chapped lips stop hurting….”

“No. I refuse to let my best mate wear lipstick.”

“It’s lip balm. I think you’re jealous that nobody bought you anything to help your chapped lips.”

“You what? So you’re saying, that I’m jealous that nobody bought me any lipstick to wear? Yes you’ve _obviously_ hit the nail on the head there Prongs. _Obviously_.”

“Do you want to try some?”

“No.”

“It’ll make your lips ‘soft and kissable’.”

“No.”

“It’s cherry flavored.”

“N-….Okay. Just a little bit..”

“It’s good, isn’t it!”

“….No?”

“Yes.”

“Yes. Oh my god. I’m turning into a woman. First it’s using lippie and next it’ll be secretly cross-dressing in the dorm. You’ve poisoned my male mind.”

“Poisoned it have I? I suppose the fact that you’re still putting more on is irrelevant, is it?”

“Naturally.”

“And that you’ve put my tube of Cherry Blush into you’re pocket means nothing?”

“Of course.”

“Alright mate. Keep it. But keep this secret yeah?”

“Your secret’s safe with me Prongs.”

“What do you mean, my secret? It’s yours too! So if you tell, I’ll tell.”

“What if Lily tells?”

“Oh _crap_ ….. **Lily! Darling! Come over here a sec please**!”

 

 

 

 

_A/N Voila! So, if you liked it review please ^_^. And if you didnt, well can you review telling me why you didnt like it? PLease and thanks. Love &stuff _

_MissDivine_


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